My wife's death and, later, a heartening incident

[Posts: 2676Joined: 26 Nov 2002, 13:53]

Very, very sorry to hear of your loss Grimes. And glad to hear you've found some solace from that incident.
Coincidences are all around us, always, if we choose to notice them. And I believe when we do notice them it means they often have some meaning, as in your case.

Thank you for your kind condolences, Cormack. This forum, with its band of ever so slightly maverick brothers, has been a source of much consolation to me.

Incidentally, re coincidences, the other day, I read someone had said that coincidences are just another word for God(!).

[Posts: 12304Joined: 22 Dec 2007, 19:24]

Incidentally, re coincidences, the other day, I read someone had said that coincidences are just another word for God(!).

Of course Grimes, the biggest "coincidence" would be if there were no "coincidences" at all.

Don't know how that fits in to the theory?

[Posts: 1030Joined: 24 Apr 2011, 00:59]

Grimes: I truly believe that the little blue tit was sent as a comfort to you and your son.

When my daughter was five she was suddenly taken ill with Leukaemia for the second time , we were at our wits end and we came back from the hospital having just received the diagnosis feeling like our whole world would collapse around us. The next day we had to take our daughter back to Gt. Ormond Street to recommence her treatment after two and half years she had relapsed.
I'm not a religious person but I do believe that we all have a guardian angel. On that night I looked out of the window and asked for a sign that all would be well for our little girl.

The next morning our daughter came running into our bedroom, she had had a dream. 'What was it' we said, 'What happened in your dream'? She sat herself on the edge of our bed and said that she dreamed that she was in a boat on a bright blue sea but she had fallen into the water. With some trepidation I asked her what happened next.
She answered: A hand reached down and pulled me back into the boat.

I didn't put two and two together immediately but then felt suddenly calm as if my prayer had been answered and all would be well.

It was a long painful road but thankfully things turned out well for our little girl and she is now grown up and getting engaged soon, but I will always remember the dream that brought us so much comfort just as your litle blue tit did to you and Simon, a beautiful story and thank you for sharing it with us.

[Posts: 5238Joined: 31 Aug 2007, 23:42Location: derby]

Heck Triptych; how to make a grown woman burst into tears on a wet Monday afternoon!! Can I say how incredibly happy it makes me to hear of her coming engagement and I can only wish her health and happiness for the future.

[Posts: 1030Joined: 24 Apr 2011, 00:59]

Bless you moehat, and thank you for your good wishes.
It was Grimes sad story and your own that prompted me to share that and knowing what a great fan of Desert Orchid that you are might I say that it was also with Dessies help that my daughter continued to improve going to his open days and even sitting on his back for a photo at Ab Kettleby on one of his many open days. Midge is still in touch around Christmastime we exchange cards, but I believe she is unwell herself at present so thoughts are with her and John.

[Posts: 5238Joined: 31 Aug 2007, 23:42Location: derby]

There was something magical about the white horse, was there not? I still need to thank Midge for sharing him with us. I'm trying to have a bit of a clear out at home and I was going through a drawer full of photos the other night and, of course came across some of the many photos I took of Des at his open days. I can still close my eyes and almost be back there again, standing in the queue waiting to stroke him, so relieved that I was surrounded by people who were as besotted with him as I was.

[Posts: 1030Joined: 24 Apr 2011, 00:59]

Happy days moehat..I remember sitting on the lawn at Ab Kettleby with the Jazz Band playing and Midge's dogs running around everybody, and the auctions that raised so much for horse welfare and the injured jockeys and all Dessies trophys laid out on the table outside their sitting room window (I even got to touch the Gold Cup).
Midge was so proud to share Dessie with everybody and I'm so proud to have had the chance to tickle that pink nose and feel his warm breath on my hand, I think he gave an inner strength to all who came in contact with him, he had such courage.
Like you say it seems like only yesterday but those memories stay with you forever, something that nobody can take away.

[Posts: 2676Joined: 26 Nov 2002, 13:53]

What a wonderful, beautiful story, Triptych. Time and again I've read about people who, in the very pit of despond, have asked God to make himself known in some way, and He did it very powerfully, as far as the person experiencing the theophany is concerned.

Maybe you don't want to "join up the dots" completely at this stage, but that's understandable. We each have our own path and time-table. But you know about guardian angels and the spiritual realm, and that is a great gift in itself, isn't it, at least when it comes in such a beautiful manner and to such heartening purpose.

I can't imagine, I dare not imagine, your anguish as her parents, at your little daughter's sufferings, especially with little to no apparent glimmer at the end of the tunnel. I'm prone to think it's one of the worst kinds of suffering, if not the worst.

But the way you describe your daughter rushing in, to tell you about her dream, makes you suspect that she was, herself, made to sense there was something special about it, doesn't it?

I believe the analytical, worldly intelligence is relatively superficial, and the seat of our deepest knowledge and understanding is subliminal - the heart or 'emotional intelligence', as it's called these days. It operates within the context of the formation of our world-view, forming our assumptions, our working hypotheses, things we understandably will not change on the basis of logical arguments, when we suspect the assumptions on which they are based, are false. Contrary to what many believe, we aren't given marks for credulity; even for credence, since as James says in his Epistle, "The Devil believes and trembles." Faith is about love and commitment. I believe faith and knowledge form a continuum, and we all know the truth, deep down.

Anyway that's enough of my rambling at a tangent. It's poor enough fodder compared with your beautiful experience. And yes, 'the bluebird of happiness', as I call her, has meant more than I can say to my peace of mind.

[Posts: 1030Joined: 24 Apr 2011, 00:59]

Thank you for those kind words Grimes.
I just wanted to share my story having been so moved by your experience.
Everything you said is so true, especially about being in the depths of despondency. The dream changed my atitude to my daughter's illness completly and with fear put on the back burner we were ready for the fight ahead. I truly believe that someone was listening that night.
All good wishes to you and your stepson and thank you for such a lovely reply to my post.

[Posts: 406Joined: 25 Oct 2009, 10:28]

You're never alone with a book

Talking of books, I've read Journey Of Souls and Destiny Of Souls and they're the most fascinating books I've got. They certainly changed my perspective on life ... but then, I've always felt that our conciousness operates on a different, higher level to our mundane bodies before I even bought the books.

Sorry to read of your loss Grimes but our loved ones are always with us.

[Posts: 2676Joined: 26 Nov 2002, 13:53]

You're never alone with a book

Talking of books, I've read Journey Of Souls and Destiny Of Souls and they're the most fascinating books I've got. They certainly changed my perspective on life ... but then, I've always felt that our conciousness operates on a different, higher level to our mundane bodies before I even bought the books.

Sorry to read of your loss Grimes but our loved ones are always with us.

Thank you for your kind words, Ghost of Rob. I always feel old friends who are still alive are always with me, too. Perhaps that's what you meant.

You might find this article on 'near death' experiences from a medical perspective, interesting, Rob:

http://science-spirituality.blogspot.co ... /Mysticism

[Posts: 833Joined: 11 Jan 2010, 19:47]

After just short of three weeks my wife, Anthea, died in hospital. It wasn't too much of a surprise, and the doctors let Simon, my step-son and myself down gently, even so. She was in a sort of coma during that time, following a hip operation, after falling over in a supermarket car-park. But I knew with absolute certainty that she could hear every word we were saying.

What I found the hardest to take was her fear and, at the same time, the thought of her stoicism; she kept so much of it to herself. I believe she knew at least a few weeks before, that due to a problem she had earlier in her life, her organs were finally packing in, and she'd been told by the doctors that she would be very unlikely to survive a significant operation.

Two days later, I was sitting in our flat, two floors up, at my computer, when I heard a rustling sound behind me. I turned round, and to my amazement, I saw that it was a blue tit. It had evidently flown, or rather hopped through Simon's bedroom window at the back of the flat - only open around 4 inches, flown into the passage and into the sitting room behind me, very near where Anthea used to sit, doing her crosswords and watching TV (without my noticing it; the door is about 5 to 6 feet to my left, a little in front of me).

It must have been a young bird, as it didn't seem scared - at least until I started flapping about the possibility it might hurt itself trying to get out. In fact, it did fly into the window once.

I rushed over to the windows, opened the smaller right-hand one and started vainly trying to open the big one in the middle. But I could't strain too hard because of a heart condition I have. So, I bellowed out to Si to come in quickly and help me open the windows.

He ambled in and told me not to get hysterical, pondered for a mo, then did the sensible thing: he pulled the blinds down over the still-closed windows.

The bird had moved around a bit, at one time perching on one of Anthea's potted plants on a shelf to my right (she'd made the place into a miniature botanical gardens, and we've already got one a little further down the road), about the same distance away as the wall adjoining the door on my left. Finally, it seemed to be perched on the lower part of the frieze below the ceiling. It took a long look at Si, who was, by this time, about where his mother used to sit, and then flew straight out of the side window I'd opened.

I said to Si, it seemed to be saying to him, "Thank goodness someone's got a head on their shoulders," but on reflection, I believe it was an emissary, a harbinger, from Anthea, courtesy of God, whose ear she must have bent, and was inspired by her to say by his long stare, "I'll always be with you, 'my big baby boy' (which she used to sometimes call him); never far away".

Anyway, It's difficult to convey what a difference it has made to how I feel now about her passing away. When I see something of hers about the flat, from a momentary sense of loss and sorrow, I very quickly remind myself that she's taken the maverick's "road back to the stable", gone straight to heaven, and is now happier than either of us could ever imagine.

Earlier, Si and I had foolishly commented on the croaking of some crows or ravens we could see from her hospital window, and she was a believer in such birds, and also owls, acting sometimes as harbingers of an imminent death. So, it was nice to see that if she didn't know before, she'd been apprised by the Almighty that some birds can be harbingers of joy.

Well, later that afternoon, I was pondering not only how strange it was for a bird to fly into your home like that, but how a neat little bird, such as a blue tit or a sparrow, seemed to make all the difference. I don't think it would have seemed quite the same if it had been a larger bird, such as a starling or a blackbird or a thrush.

But why a blue tit, which I wouldn't think are that common around here, quite near the centre of Edinburgh, (though we don't see many sparrows these days)? It had come from the green at the back, a kind of green between three tenements forming three sides of a rectangle. Then I remembered that the day before, I'd mentioned to Si that his mother was 'nuts' about the colour, blue. That really tickled me to bits.

Then, when I was devising a Thank You card with a photo of the Duchess in it, I noticed that, unwittingly, I'd chosen the only blue card - it was a folding card with a beautiful azure front face and a cross on it; and the photo I had chosen was her in a blue dress with a blue patterned scarf. True, I'd have had difficulty finding a photo of her in other colours, mind you!

First grimes can I just add my sincere commiseration at the lost of your wife, (Simon's mother). Having lost my dad, whom I was very close with last February I know a little bit of how you feel.

Secondly some might have said that the Blue Tit incident was a coincident but I think you're right with your feelings that she was trying to tell you that she's OK.

[Posts: 2676Joined: 26 Nov 2002, 13:53]

After just short of three weeks my wife, Anthea, died in hospital. It wasn't too much of a surprise, and the doctors let Simon, my step-son and myself down gently, even so. She was in a sort of coma during that time, following a hip operation, after falling over in a supermarket car-park. But I knew with absolute certainty that she could hear every word we were saying.

What I found the hardest to take was her fear and, at the same time, the thought of her stoicism; she kept so much of it to herself. I believe she knew at least a few weeks before, that due to a problem she had earlier in her life, her organs were finally packing in, and she'd been told by the doctors that she would be very unlikely to survive a significant operation.

Two days later, I was sitting in our flat, two floors up, at my computer, when I heard a rustling sound behind me. I turned round, and to my amazement, I saw that it was a blue tit. It had evidently flown, or rather hopped through Simon's bedroom window at the back of the flat - only open around 4 inches, flown into the passage and into the sitting room behind me, very near where Anthea used to sit, doing her crosswords and watching TV (without my noticing it; the door is about 5 to 6 feet to my left, a little in front of me).

It must have been a young bird, as it didn't seem scared - at least until I started flapping about the possibility it might hurt itself trying to get out. In fact, it did fly into the window once.

I rushed over to the windows, opened the smaller right-hand one and started vainly trying to open the big one in the middle. But I could't strain too hard because of a heart condition I have. So, I bellowed out to Si to come in quickly and help me open the windows.

He ambled in and told me not to get hysterical, pondered for a mo, then did the sensible thing: he pulled the blinds down over the still-closed windows.

The bird had moved around a bit, at one time perching on one of Anthea's potted plants on a shelf to my right (she'd made the place into a miniature botanical gardens, and we've already got one a little further down the road), about the same distance away as the wall adjoining the door on my left. Finally, it seemed to be perched on the lower part of the frieze below the ceiling. It took a long look at Si, who was, by this time, about where his mother used to sit, and then flew straight out of the side window I'd opened.

I said to Si, it seemed to be saying to him, "Thank goodness someone's got a head on their shoulders," but on reflection, I believe it was an emissary, a harbinger, from Anthea, courtesy of God, whose ear she must have bent, and was inspired by her to say by his long stare, "I'll always be with you, 'my big baby boy' (which she used to sometimes call him); never far away".

Anyway, It's difficult to convey what a difference it has made to how I feel now about her passing away. When I see something of hers about the flat, from a momentary sense of loss and sorrow, I very quickly remind myself that she's taken the maverick's "road back to the stable", gone straight to heaven, and is now happier than either of us could ever imagine.

Earlier, Si and I had foolishly commented on the croaking of some crows or ravens we could see from her hospital window, and she was a believer in such birds, and also owls, acting sometimes as harbingers of an imminent death. So, it was nice to see that if she didn't know before, she'd been apprised by the Almighty that some birds can be harbingers of joy.

Well, later that afternoon, I was pondering not only how strange it was for a bird to fly into your home like that, but how a neat little bird, such as a blue tit or a sparrow, seemed to make all the difference. I don't think it would have seemed quite the same if it had been a larger bird, such as a starling or a blackbird or a thrush.

But why a blue tit, which I wouldn't think are that common around here, quite near the centre of Edinburgh, (though we don't see many sparrows these days)? It had come from the green at the back, a kind of green between three tenements forming three sides of a rectangle. Then I remembered that the day before, I'd mentioned to Si that his mother was 'nuts' about the colour, blue. That really tickled me to bits.

Then, when I was devising a Thank You card with a photo of the Duchess in it, I noticed that, unwittingly, I'd chosen the only blue card - it was a folding card with a beautiful azure front face and a cross on it; and the photo I had chosen was her in a blue dress with a blue patterned scarf. True, I'd have had difficulty finding a photo of her in other colours, mind you!

First grimes can I just add my sincere commiseration at the lost of your wife, (Simon's mother). Having lost my dad, whom I was very close with last February I know a little bit of how you feel.

Secondly some might have said that the Blue Tit incident was a coincident but I think you're right with your feelings that she was trying to tell you that she's OK.

Thank you, Red Rum. Someone once said that people will believe the impossible, but not the improbable; words to that effect. And we have a scientific establishment which believes that the universe was created by random chance.

I have a photo of the Duchess as the background for my desk-top. She has a kind of cheeky smile on her face, almost a grin. At first, I sometimes felt a pang when I saw it, but now, I feel she's saying: "I'm past the winning-post! What's happened to you?!"

How could I yearn for her to return from everlasting, blissful happiness to this vale of tears. My hurt has mostly healed, and I don't expect I'd be human if it healed entirely, but now, I really do get a lift when see her smiling at me. She's where she should be, where we all should be eventually. This world is really the foreign environment. We're the fish out of water. "Oh, Lord, you made us for yourself, and our hearts will find no rest until they rest in thee."

A beautiful saying in Isiah, too - God saying: "See I will not forget you. I have carved you in the palm of my hand."